Definition of Haggard: having a worn or emaciated appearance (synonyms: careworn, wasted, drawn)
Definition of Housewife: A married woman in charge of a household
Welcome to my life. Yes, I am a worn-out married woman in charge of a household, though whether or not I am actually in charge is debatable. When you live in a family with one husband, four children, two in-laws, two dogs, two birds, two turtles and a fish - the question as to whom is actually running the show remains to be answered. Lately, it seems we are more of an anarchy than the sort of organized democratic society a family is supposed to be.
Definition of Anarchy: A social structure without government or law; utter confusion
Well, that pretty much describes this household. I wake up each morning to the touch of ice cold feet rubbing up and down my calves. This is my six-year-old son who sneaks into my bed while I'm still sleeping. After telling him to knock it off and leave me alone, my five-year-old daughter wanders in and wriggles in between us. The day has not officially begun until these two begin their daily ritual of kicking each other and screaming about who gets to lay near mommy. I ignore it until the girl kicks the boy in the face and I command them to exit my room immediately.
The two little kids race downstairs while I begrudgingly drag my very cumbersome and pregnant body after them. [Note: In our family there are three divisions of children - there are the big kids, which includes my 13-year-old and my 10-year-old, the little kids who you have just met, and the baby, who will not make his official appearance until November.]
We scrounge in the kitchen for something edible. Long ago I gave up trying cook breakfast because none of my children are ever willing to eat the same thing at the same time, and rather than try to please four different people, I let them root around for whatever suits them. It's not pleasant, but it works.
My ten-year-old eventually emerges from his nightly hibernation and immediately begins teasing and hassling the little kids. I tell him to stop, at which point he widens his eyes and responds in complete seriousness, "But I wasn't doing anything!"
Things just keep going on from there. I won't bore you with my entire daily routine, but just know that it comprises a delicate balance of helping children with schoolwork (yes, I am a homeschool mom and an utter lunatic), keeping them from maiming one another, trying to get some housework done, and eeking out a few moments of me-time in the process.
Some days are successful, others are not. You will most likely be hearing from me on the unsuccessful days as those are the days that I feel drawn to write. For some strange, inexplicable reason, putting the pains and strains of parenthood into words somehow lessens my burden. Perhaps it is because by writing about my experiences I am actually passing some of burden on to you. So, dear reader, I thank you for lending me your listening ear and relieving me of some of the stress of being a haggard housewife. Together, we just might survive this afterall.
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3 comments:
This was funny, though I know it wasn't made up. Thanks for giving me a giggle!!!! It made my day.
Please write more. It was entertaining, and I NEED that.
Signed,
Another Haggard Housewife :-)
You know, I ABSOLUTELY love your blog! LoL...We both have a lot in common! I swear! How do you do it, being pregnant? Like you, I have a 16yr. old and an 18yr. old(who thinks he's 30!)a husband, a mil, and three dogs! Luckily all small, but they're all inside dogs! My husband thinks I spend too much time on the computer! But, sadly, it's the only "escape" I get! Love your blog!
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