Long before I got married and started a family, I worried about what would happen to me once I did. What would happen to me -- my identity, the whatever-it-is that distinguishes me from every other being on the planet. I feared that Laurisa would morph into his wife and their mother, and that I would somehow vanish into that distinctly female world of "I have no life of my own."
Then I got married. I had children, and things happened as predicted, but with an odd, wonderful sort of twist. Instead of my identity vanishing, it expanded. I am still very much Laurisa, but I am also Gonzalo's wife and the mother of five children. I am, in fact, so many different things, like how a patchwork quilt's design is only enhanced by the addition of different patterns and colors.
Having said all that, however, there are times (every night just about bedtime, actually) when I yearn to just be me again, if only for a few moments. In fact, I call this time of day "Me Time" and my kids and husband know that from about 10-11pm they are not to intrude. This is the time when I prop my netbook on my lap, turn down the lights, and write.
Every wife and mother ought to have something that she does that is for her and her alone - something that brings her pleasure - something she does not have to share with anyone else - something that does not require someone else's approval or compromise or self-sacrifice of any kind. It might be knitting, or genealogy, or reading, or exercise, or sewing, or art, or whatever. We women tend to spend so much of our time supporting our families and keeping up the house and helping make ends meet that it is far too easy to lose "me" in the process.
Keeping this in mind, The Haggard Housewife is going to veer in a slightly different direction. I am a housewife and a mother, but I am also a writer. So, expect to see more posts that incorporate that fundamental element of "me" from now on. And in the meantime, I hope each of you takes a little time out for your "me" too.
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4 comments:
Laurisa--
Your comments from yesterday and today hit the mark with me. I immersed myself so completely in the role of wife and mother, absorbing every else's needs, doing what I needed to do for the family, I didn't even notice that I felt swallowed up. Then one day, I thought what happened to that fierce, I-am-woman-hear-me-roar, valkyrie? Somehow I had become efeminated. I felt scared, whereas I used to be fearless, dull, as opposed to innovative and lifeless, whereas I used to just buzz with "life". That's when I decided I had to take it back, for the sake of my family. I knew if I didn't, they'd be the losers as much as myself. Writing keeps me sane and gives me a connection to myself as well as the world. Now I know why writers say this all the time.
Great post! As much as I love my family, something was seriously missing from my life until I started really writing. :D
I've never identified myself as primarily a mother, and my 18-year-old daughter thinks this is great. I'm a librarian, a quilter, a runner, a coach and THEN a mother. Takes the pressure off my children, too!
OMG! You and I have got to be twins! LoL...I see what you mean! I couldn't stop reading your blog! And I know what you mean! When I first moved in with her! I knew exactally who I was! A housewife, mother, etc...someone who knew how to clean too! But not anymore! I have lost track of who I am! Is why I write!
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