Long before I got married and started a family, I worried about what would happen to me once I did. What would happen to me -- my identity, the whatever-it-is that distinguishes me from every other being on the planet. I feared that Laurisa would morph into his wife and their mother, and that I would somehow vanish into that distinctly female world of "I have no life of my own."
Then I got married. I had children, and things happened as predicted, but with an odd, wonderful sort of twist. Instead of my identity vanishing, it expanded. I am still very much Laurisa, but I am also Gonzalo's wife and the mother of five children. I am, in fact, so many different things, like how a patchwork quilt's design is only enhanced by the addition of different patterns and colors.
Having said all that, however, there are times (every night just about bedtime, actually) when I yearn to just be me again, if only for a few moments. In fact, I call this time of day "Me Time" and my kids and husband know that from about 10-11pm they are not to intrude. This is the time when I prop my netbook on my lap, turn down the lights, and write.
Every wife and mother ought to have something that she does that is for her and her alone - something that brings her pleasure - something she does not have to share with anyone else - something that does not require someone else's approval or compromise or self-sacrifice of any kind. It might be knitting, or genealogy, or reading, or exercise, or sewing, or art, or whatever. We women tend to spend so much of our time supporting our families and keeping up the house and helping make ends meet that it is far too easy to lose "me" in the process.
Keeping this in mind, The Haggard Housewife is going to veer in a slightly different direction. I am a housewife and a mother, but I am also a writer. So, expect to see more posts that incorporate that fundamental element of "me" from now on. And in the meantime, I hope each of you takes a little time out for your "me" too.
Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Addicted Moms
I heard about this article from Working Mothers Magazine while listening to the radio the other day - more and more mothers are using alcohol and drugs to deal with the ever increasing demands of every day life. http://www.workingmother.com/BestCompanies/special-report/2010/10/addicted-moms-drink-drugs
While the article focuses on moms who work in high profile professions, moms that otherwise appear to have it all together, I think it is a wake up call for all moms across America.
Hearing stats like "1 out of every 4 kids has an alcoholic parent" is enough to make me cry.
I am a stay-at-home mom and proud of it, but being a full-time mom has its fair share of stress. I never have enough time to clean my house, keep up with the laundry, or fulfill all my duties as school and church volunteer. I go to be each night completely exhausted, and yes, I all too often feel like I'm going to lose it - and sometimes I do - for an hour or two, until my daughter comes to my rescue with that contraband 1 lb. bag of M&Ms.
So I can't even begin to comprehend how a mother can balance a full-time job AND all the responsibilities of being a wife and mother. There is simply nothing funny about the corporate powerhouse mom who died along with most of her children in a car accident because she was drunk and high.
I have to wonder if this is what the Women's Rights Movement intended. Yes, we women can have it all, do it all, but at what price? I for one don't want it all, don't need it all. I get stress. I get pressure. I get depression. That's part of being a human being living a human life, but if our lives are so busy, so "together" that we're really falling apart, then what we're really doing is throwing it all away.
What soothes my nerves best at the end of a hectic day is not a cup of wine or a pill, but spending half an hour with my two-year-old on my lap reading through a stack of picture books. Oh, and that extra handful of M&Ms doesn't hurt...does it?
While the article focuses on moms who work in high profile professions, moms that otherwise appear to have it all together, I think it is a wake up call for all moms across America.
Hearing stats like "1 out of every 4 kids has an alcoholic parent" is enough to make me cry.
I am a stay-at-home mom and proud of it, but being a full-time mom has its fair share of stress. I never have enough time to clean my house, keep up with the laundry, or fulfill all my duties as school and church volunteer. I go to be each night completely exhausted, and yes, I all too often feel like I'm going to lose it - and sometimes I do - for an hour or two, until my daughter comes to my rescue with that contraband 1 lb. bag of M&Ms.
So I can't even begin to comprehend how a mother can balance a full-time job AND all the responsibilities of being a wife and mother. There is simply nothing funny about the corporate powerhouse mom who died along with most of her children in a car accident because she was drunk and high.
I have to wonder if this is what the Women's Rights Movement intended. Yes, we women can have it all, do it all, but at what price? I for one don't want it all, don't need it all. I get stress. I get pressure. I get depression. That's part of being a human being living a human life, but if our lives are so busy, so "together" that we're really falling apart, then what we're really doing is throwing it all away.
What soothes my nerves best at the end of a hectic day is not a cup of wine or a pill, but spending half an hour with my two-year-old on my lap reading through a stack of picture books. Oh, and that extra handful of M&Ms doesn't hurt...does it?
Monday, March 16, 2009
Book Excerpt #1: Introduction
ARE YOU A HAGGARD HOUSEWIFE?
I suppose the initial question to ask is what is a haggard housewife? To begin with, the dictionary states that a housewife is a married woman in charge of a household. Ironically, a housewife is also defined as a pocket-sized container for small articles (which would explain why my kids are always digging through my purse for gum, quarters, and any variety of tiny items they might have misplaced.)
The dictionary defines haggard as being wild or distraught in appearance or having a worn and exhausted appearance. Put them together and you have a woman who is in charge of a household whose nerves are frazzled and whose mind and body are on the brink of collapse.
One does not need to feel this way 100% of the time to be a haggard housewife. Even if she feels stressed and fatigued on occasion, it is enough to qualify. If you are not certain this title describes you, I have provided a short questionnaire to help clarify any confusion. Once you have answered the questions, compare them to the explanations at the end. The results just might surprise you.
Are You A Haggard Housewife?
1. How often do you make dinner from scratch?
a. Every night with only rare exceptions
b. At least once a week, whether I want to or not
c. On occasion, when my mother-in-law comes to visit
d. What’s scratch, and where can I buy some?
2. How often do you talk on the phone with friends?
a. Often. I call my friends at least once a week
b. Occasionally. I call my friends on their birthdays.
c. Rarely. My friends call me and sometimes I pick up.
d. Never. That’s why God created answering machines.
3. “On my child’s first day of school, I…”
a. Cried because I knew how much I would miss him.
b. Wandered aimlessly around the house until he came back home.
c. Took a nap.
d. Shouted, “Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, I’m free at last!”
4. “When a friend drops by for an unexpected visit, I…”
a. Welcome her in with open arms.
b. Shout “Hang on a second!” and scramble to pick up the living room.
c. Lie and tell her I’ve got the flu.
d. Hide in the bathroom until she leaves.
5. If your husband took the kids for the day what would you do with your time?
a. I would have lunch with my girlfriends and get a manicure.
b. I would waste it trying to figure out what chores I should do first.
c. I would order pizza and watch TV all day – basking in the solitude.
d. I would get the locks changed (heh, heh, heh!)
6. “On Sundays, when my family goes to church, I…”
a. Dress my kids in matching outfits and arrive 5 minutes early.
b. Tell my kids to find something, anything to wear, and hurry it up for @*#$% sake!
c. Tell my husband that I’ll get there when I get there.
d. What? It’s Sunday again?! Are you sure?
7. How often do you have sex?
a. As often as it takes to keep my husband happy.
b. Every other weekend, whether I want to or not.
c. Whenever I run out of excuses.
d. I’ll have sex the day my husband learns to wash his own underwear.
8. The song that most typifies my life as a housewife is…
a. “Sweet Dreams Are Made Of This”
b. “Back On The Chain Gang”
c. “I Will Survive”
d. “We’re Not Gonna Take It”
9. “What I want for Christmas this year is…”
a. A gift card to my local spa.
b. A new vacuum cleaner.
c. A gift card to Burger King.
d. One one-way ticket to Honolulu.
Results:
Mostly“A”s: You are either from another planet or in complete denial. Return this book immediately and get your money back.
Mostly “B”s: You are a devoted wife and mother, but you sometimes feel unappreciated and overworked. You need to relax and laugh a little more. This book is just the medicine you need.
Mostly “C”s: While you are secure in your role as a homemaker, your life feels chaotic and harried. You can never seem to catch up or gain the upper hand. You are not alone, as this book will show you.
Mostly “D”s: You are on the verge of surrender. Your cynical attitude about life needs a serious adjustment. Maybe this book will help. Maybe it won’t. But what have you got to lose by trying? Life can’t get much worse than it already is, can it?
I suppose the initial question to ask is what is a haggard housewife? To begin with, the dictionary states that a housewife is a married woman in charge of a household. Ironically, a housewife is also defined as a pocket-sized container for small articles (which would explain why my kids are always digging through my purse for gum, quarters, and any variety of tiny items they might have misplaced.)
The dictionary defines haggard as being wild or distraught in appearance or having a worn and exhausted appearance. Put them together and you have a woman who is in charge of a household whose nerves are frazzled and whose mind and body are on the brink of collapse.
One does not need to feel this way 100% of the time to be a haggard housewife. Even if she feels stressed and fatigued on occasion, it is enough to qualify. If you are not certain this title describes you, I have provided a short questionnaire to help clarify any confusion. Once you have answered the questions, compare them to the explanations at the end. The results just might surprise you.
Are You A Haggard Housewife?
1. How often do you make dinner from scratch?
a. Every night with only rare exceptions
b. At least once a week, whether I want to or not
c. On occasion, when my mother-in-law comes to visit
d. What’s scratch, and where can I buy some?
2. How often do you talk on the phone with friends?
a. Often. I call my friends at least once a week
b. Occasionally. I call my friends on their birthdays.
c. Rarely. My friends call me and sometimes I pick up.
d. Never. That’s why God created answering machines.
3. “On my child’s first day of school, I…”
a. Cried because I knew how much I would miss him.
b. Wandered aimlessly around the house until he came back home.
c. Took a nap.
d. Shouted, “Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, I’m free at last!”
4. “When a friend drops by for an unexpected visit, I…”
a. Welcome her in with open arms.
b. Shout “Hang on a second!” and scramble to pick up the living room.
c. Lie and tell her I’ve got the flu.
d. Hide in the bathroom until she leaves.
5. If your husband took the kids for the day what would you do with your time?
a. I would have lunch with my girlfriends and get a manicure.
b. I would waste it trying to figure out what chores I should do first.
c. I would order pizza and watch TV all day – basking in the solitude.
d. I would get the locks changed (heh, heh, heh!)
6. “On Sundays, when my family goes to church, I…”
a. Dress my kids in matching outfits and arrive 5 minutes early.
b. Tell my kids to find something, anything to wear, and hurry it up for @*#$% sake!
c. Tell my husband that I’ll get there when I get there.
d. What? It’s Sunday again?! Are you sure?
7. How often do you have sex?
a. As often as it takes to keep my husband happy.
b. Every other weekend, whether I want to or not.
c. Whenever I run out of excuses.
d. I’ll have sex the day my husband learns to wash his own underwear.
8. The song that most typifies my life as a housewife is…
a. “Sweet Dreams Are Made Of This”
b. “Back On The Chain Gang”
c. “I Will Survive”
d. “We’re Not Gonna Take It”
9. “What I want for Christmas this year is…”
a. A gift card to my local spa.
b. A new vacuum cleaner.
c. A gift card to Burger King.
d. One one-way ticket to Honolulu.
Results:
Mostly“A”s: You are either from another planet or in complete denial. Return this book immediately and get your money back.
Mostly “B”s: You are a devoted wife and mother, but you sometimes feel unappreciated and overworked. You need to relax and laugh a little more. This book is just the medicine you need.
Mostly “C”s: While you are secure in your role as a homemaker, your life feels chaotic and harried. You can never seem to catch up or gain the upper hand. You are not alone, as this book will show you.
Mostly “D”s: You are on the verge of surrender. Your cynical attitude about life needs a serious adjustment. Maybe this book will help. Maybe it won’t. But what have you got to lose by trying? Life can’t get much worse than it already is, can it?
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